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搞乐图:逐日搞乐GIF三十篇!
发布时间:2024-04-22 21:14
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小编

  1.孙子不听话▼,爷爷罚他站到太阳底下受罪。气象太热,孙子晒得满脸流汗,怪可怜的。父亲从表面回来,一见如此子,就动了怒气,二话没说,噔噔噔也站到太阳下边陪晒,嘴里还不住地嚷叫:你晒我儿子●,我也晒你儿子▼。

  4.一只兔子调戏了一只老狼,眼看就要追上了,兔子赶忙急转弯跑到树下▼,拿起报纸◆,又带上墨镜,狼追過來,不見兔子影踪,便问:你刚刚有没看到一只兔子从这里跑过?兔子顿了顿:阿,是不是一只刚调戏过狼的兔子,老狼大惊: 我糙,有没搞错,这么速就上报纸了

  2.夙昔,有三個流氓商定去偷別人鄉裏裏的果子。一會兒就掉到了主人挖的陷井,沾了周身屎。他不出聲,第二片面也翻過來,也沾了周身屎,那人抱怨他不提示。他說:“幼聲點●▼,別讓第三片面聽到,等他也也翻過來,也沾了周身屎,群多都雷同,就誰也不笑誰了!”

  5.一天男友問女友:“你要的浪漫是怎麽的●◆?”女友答複說:“ 我要的浪漫很容易……咱們兩個去擄掠,然後正在擄掠凱旋後攜款叛逃中◆●◆,你不幸被捕,甯死不招▼,锒铛入獄……留下我一片面黯然神傷……揮霍無度的渡過余生……”男友:……

  3.火車上,看到一對伉俪●▼。女的側臥正在男的腿上睡著了。窗表太陽挺大◆●,簾子也不行一律遮住凱發k8,然後男的就懸發轫掌幫女孩遮擋照正在臉上的陽光。這個容貌保持了永久▼◆●,直到阿谁女的醒来后看到哭了,抽泣着问:“你是不是思打我永久了?”

// 2){ var textDat = textDiv.innerHTML; var br = textDat.toLowerCase().indexOf("=0 && divTop var sWeek = new Array("星期日", "星期一", "星期二", "星期三", "星期四", "星期五", "星期六"); var dNow = new Date(); var CalendarData = new Array(100); var madd = new Array(12); var tgString = "甲乙丙丁戊己庚辛壬癸"; var dzString = "子丑寅卯辰巳午未申酉戌亥"; var numString = "一二三四五六七八九十"; var monString = "正二三四五六七八九十冬腊"; var sx = "鼠牛虎兔龙蛇马羊猴鸡狗猪"; var cYear, cMonth, cDay, TheDate; CalendarData = new Array(0xA4B, 0x5164B, 0x6A5, 0x6D4, 0x415B5, 0x2B6, 0x957, 0x2092F, 0x497, 0x60C96, 0xD4A, 0xEA5, 0x50DA9, 0x5AD, 0x2B6, 0x3126E, 0x92E, 0x7192D, 0xC95, 0xD4A, 0x61B4A, 0xB55, 0x56A, 0x4155B, 0x25D, 0x92D, 0x2192B, 0xA95, 0x71695, 0x6CA, 0xB55, 0x50AB5, 0x4DA, 0xA5B, 0x30A57, 0x52B, 0x8152A, 0xE95, 0x6AA, 0x615AA, 0xAB5, 0x4B6, 0x414AE, 0xA57, 0x526, 0x31D26, 0xD95, 0x70B55, 0x56A, 0x96D, 0x5095D, 0x4AD, 0xA4D, 0x41A4D, 0xD25, 0x81AA5, 0xB54, 0xB6A, 0x612DA, 0x95B, 0x49B, 0x41497, 0xA4B, 0xA164B, 0x6A5, 0x6D4, 0x615B4, 0xAB6, 0x957, 0x5092F, 0x497, 0x64B, 0x30D4A, 0xEA5, 0x80D65, 0x5AC, 0xAB6, 0x5126D, 0x92E, 0xC96, 0x41A95, 0xD4A, 0xDA5, 0x20B55, 0x56A, 0x7155B, 0x25D, 0x92D, 0x5192B, 0xA95, 0xB4A, 0x416AA, 0xAD5, 0x90AB5, 0x4BA, 0xA5B, 0x60A57, 0x52B, 0xA93, 0x40E95); madd[0] = 0; madd[1] = 31; madd[2] = 59; madd[3] = 90; madd[4] = 120; madd[5] = 151; madd[6] = 181; madd[7] = 212; madd[8] = 243; madd[9] = 273; madd[10] = 304; madd[11] = 334; function GetBit(m, n) { return(m >> n) & 1; } function e2c() { TheDate = (arguments.length != 3) ? new Date() : new Date(arguments[0], arguments[1], arguments[2]); var total, m, n, k; var isEnd = false; var tmp = TheDate.getFullYear(); total = (tmp - 1921) * 365 + Math.floor((tmp - 1921) / 4) + madd[TheDate.getMonth()] + TheDate.getDate() - 38; if(TheDate.getYear() % 4 == 0 && TheDate.getMonth() > 1) { total++; } for(m = 0;; m++) { k = (CalendarData[m] < 0xfff) ? 11 : 12; for(n = k; n >= 0; n--) { if(total <= 29 + GetBit(CalendarData[m], n)) { isEnd = true; break; } total = total - 29 - GetBit(CalendarData[m], n); } if(isEnd) break; } cYear = 1921 + m; cMonth = k - n + 1; cDay = total; if(k == 12) { if(cMonth == Math.floor(CalendarData[m] / 0x10000) + 1) { cMonth = 1 - cMonth; } if(cMonth > Math.floor(CalendarData[m] / 0x10000) + 1) { cMonth--; } } } /*戊戌狗年 腊月廿*/ function GetcDateString() { var tmp = ""; tmp += tgString.charAt((cYear - 4) % 10); tmp += dzString.charAt((cYear - 4) % 12); tmp += sx.charAt((cYear - 4) % 12); tmp += "年 "; if(cMonth < 1) { tmp += "(闰)"; tmp += monString.charAt(-cMonth - 1); } else { tmp += monString.charAt(cMonth - 1); } tmp += "月"; tmp += (cDay < 11) ? "初" : ((cDay < 20) ? "十" : ((cDay < 30) ? "廿" : "三十")); if(cDay % 10 != 0 || cDay == 10) { tmp += numString.charAt((cDay - 1) % 10); } return tmp; } function GetLunarDay(solarYear, solarMonth, solarDay) { if(solarYear < 1921 || solarYear > 2020) { return ""; } else { solarMonth = (parseInt(solarMonth) > 0) ? (solarMonth - 1) : 11; e2c(solarYear, solarMonth, solarDay); return GetcDateString(); } } function getFullYear(d) { // 修正firefox下year错误 yr = d.getYear(); if(yr < 1000) yr += 1900; return yr; } /*写入页面*/ function showDate() { var D = new Date(); var yy = D.getFullYear(); var mm = D.getMonth() + 1; var dd = D.getDate(); var ww = D.getDay(); var ss = parseInt(D.getTime() / 1000); var h = D.getHours(); var m = D.getMinutes(); var s = D.getSeconds(); var sValue = getFullYear(dNow) + "年" + (dNow.getMonth() + 1) + "月" + dNow.getDate() + "日" + " " + sWeek[dNow.getDay()] + " "; sValue += GetLunarDay(yy, mm, dd); sValue += shapetime(h,m,s); document.getElementById("pDate").innerHTML = sValue; setTimeout("showDate()", 500); }; /*格式化时间*/ function shapetime(h, m, s) { if(s <= 9) s = "0" + s; if(m <= 9) m = "0" + m; if(h <= 9) h = "0" + h; return h + ":" + m + ":" + s } window.onload = showDate;